Category: Uncategorized

It’s something I do, embrace, and when I share my mama inspo & motherhood journey.

The Blog | Mom Talk Mondays

Mondays are for MomMe time. So what does that look like exactly? Well, it definitely looks and consists of many different things that simply make me feel like ME! So here’s a list of just some of my few fave MomMe Self Care Enjoyments.

‣︎ Blogging

‣︎ Working out

‣︎ Sleeping in. (Who doesn’t love some extra shut eye!)

‣︎ Binge-watching Lifetime. (Yes, I am that Mom lol)

‣︎ Diving into a book or devotional

‣︎ Getting a nice Mani/Pedi

‣︎ Shopping

‣︎ Indulging in my favorite sweets

‣︎ Having a fun Mom Date

‣︎ Rearranging and redecorating my house

‣︎ Or simply doing NOTHING! Mondays are literally my one day to not be Mom, to simply breathe, and take that well earned and deserved break. Having this day for me is what really helps my mental health and well being and truly allows me feel like I no longer live with Mom Identity Theft! Can you relate?!

Mother’s You Matter.

A mother’s love is so selfless. Naturally, you want nothing more than to give your babies your all. Sometimes though, you give so much that there’s little left for yourself. The moment I became a mother, I knew I would bend and move any mountain. I would block any ounce of pain I possibly could for my children, but with everything I gave, I found myself not having anything left for me. I’ve always been the type to do for others and put myself last. You’ve heard it before, “The kind of love a mother has for their child is something many cannot explain.” What you don’t hear much about, is that we must give love to ourselves too.

Once I became a mom, I stopped looking at myself, taking care of myself, and being myself. Why? Because it was engraved in my head that I was no longer important. I had responsibilities. I had others to dedicate my life to and although these things aren’t bad, they shouldn’t be the end to your womanhood/motherhood. There’s MORE. Just as much as we want for our children, we must want for ourselves. We want them to be healthy, well dang it, we must be healthy too. We want them to achieve goals, well we must have goals to achieve too. We want them to be mentally, spiritually, physically and emotionally strong, then guess what? Mamas, we need that too.

I sometimes look at every Instagram mom and their perfect photos and family and I can only wonder how draining it is to keep up that facade. My house is a mess, the kids get dirty, sometimes chicken nuggets and french fries are on the menu and many times tantrums ruin our plans. I’m starting to accept that is okay though, because the more I accept that everything I do is for the best of my children. The more I feel happy that no one can do better for my children than me. Self-acceptance, but ultimately learning to love myself through motherhood is what I’m striving for this new year. So be gentle with yourself, and find out what loving yourself means to you, because remember you matter too.

-Mama V. 12.07.20

Army Mom Reunited.

My husband and I are a duel Military couple, him stationed in North Carolina and myself in Italy. While pregnant though I came to the states to have my son in November, 2019. When my maternity leave was over in January, I had to return to work in Italy immediately. My son stayed behind in the states for many personal and military reasons, but I was scheduled to leave Italy and return home to be stationed with my husband and son by April, 2020. In my mind I thought…“I can handle 2-3 months right? That can’t be too bad.” UNTIL the unwelcoming of Covid happened and impacted our work and personal life. The Army was not allowing any type of travel in or out of Italy during this time, therefore, I was obligated to stay longer than planned.

Fast forward 8 months later, I was finally able to hug and kiss my 10 month old baby. It was a mix of emotions for me. From a 3 month old baby who slept mostly all day to now working with a soon to be toddler. The battle of changing his diaper, crawling all over the place, eating actual baby food, and so many more different things he didn’t do before. It felt warming to be home with the excitement to finally be a mom again, but it also hurt to realize what a huge gap I missed on his life that I won’t be able to take back. It was challenging to accept the changes, his growth, and not being able to have grown with him.

From the first 3 months we had together. I knew everything about him. His schedule, his likes and dislikes, I knew how long his naps were. I knew his ways and I tended to them in my own mommy way. I had to show and teach my In-laws all those things before I left. Coming back, it was challenging, because now I had to learn their ways. How they did things and knew him inside and out better than me. It hurt to see that. I felt as if I didn’t even know my own son. I had to put my pride aside and ask questions that I felt I shouldn’t of had to ask. Things I felt I should’ve known already.

I know I’m not the only one going through this. I’m not the first and won’t be the last. It’s just tough when you’re there in the moment, frozen in time, and feel so isolated in that mental battle. There’s nothing I can do though, but move forward, accept things for what they are, and adapt to the changes of life. So I end with; cherish each moment and never take life with your kids for granted.

-Army Mom P. 11.02.20

Mom and Deployed

I’ve been in the military now for 10 years. During my first deployment in 2013, I did a tour in Afghanistan. It was an experience I’d never forget and I can admit it was the happiest and freest I’ve ever felt. Fast forward to 2019 where I find out I’m deploying again. My heart dropped. It hits differently this time, because now I’m a Mom. I instantly felt like someone was ripping me away from my baby. 

I’ve already been a single mom the majority of my daughter’s life. So knowing I had to leave and for a year at that. I was worried she would feel abandoned or less important. I am all she knows. Its now been 154 days without her and I have the fear of her getting so used to me being gone, that she actually prefers her new life without me. I have the fear of being replaced or forgotten or something big will happen and I won’t be there to give her my unconditional love & support and she’ll hate me for it. I fear she’ll question her self-worth, because her momma left her. I have tears in my eyes just thinking about her even feeling that way.

Trying to also explain to a 3 yr old (at the time) that I’m leaving was a challenge. I explained it as “I made this commitment; therefore I have to keep my word.” Hoping that this life experience will teach her how important loyalty/duty can be. For the most part I think she understands. That mom is away because I have to and not because I want to. But there are days where my emotions take over and I get the constant fear that I made the wrong decision. That I’m a bad mom and that my child will grow up and resent me, because I left her. Those days are more often than not. 

But then there are the days where I’ll FaceTime and she will take the iPad to the people around her and with pride she tells them, “I’m her mom & I’m in the Army.” Those are the days I try to hold on to, because I don’t regret my choice of being in the military. It has molded me into the person I am today. The Army has given me opportunities I did not think were ever possible for me and has given me a better life for my child. It’s a decision I made solely on my own. A service that is so much bigger than me and I’m proud to serve. I just really hope that in the end, I made the right decision.

-Army Mom F. 10.12.20

Career Mom to SAHM Pt. 2

Here I am, finally sitting on my bed able to take a deep breath in and out. Today was a good day, but as the evening hit I felt exhaustion start to kick in. Hubby takes our son to bed and I’m able to take a warm shower and pray. I’m able to let it out with God and He helps me to understand this second time around is different. I’m not only holding a growing baby inside me, but I am also taking care of an energetic preschooler.  The thoughts then begin to race through my mind again, “I’m having a second child and things are already changing before she is here!” 

I have worked since I was 15 years old and never thought being a SAHM was an option, but three months ago when I found out I’m expecting a second child, reality set in. I’ve been blessed to work from home for the past 5 years or so, but experiencing both working from home while also being a mom full time, THAT changed my perspective. The days where work has been so busy and I cannot pay my son the attention he wants, it leaves him no choice but to learn to be independent. The days where he wanted special attention and cried to be on top of me while I worked, the many times I had to go into the bathroom or my closet to cry it out, because of how overwhelmed I was. There were many moments where I didn’t think I would be able to make it through the day. ‘Mom Guilt’ started to set in many times even as I sit here and rethink those moments. So then the idea of becoming a Stay at Home Mom sets in my mind.

My husband and I have had more discussions than ever about the possibility of becoming one.  I’ve always said my children and family will ALWAYS be my priority above all, because this is the greatest blessing God has given me. And the fact that I have not only my son, but now a new little human now depending on me, it changes my priorities and once again gives me a new clarity on what I truly want.  I am seeing how God has given me a piece of my desire and want in life with my son and new child to be. So I no longer fear actually wanting to become a SAHM.  And as I plan for the future, I make sure to seek guidance from God and always talk it through with my husband. One thing I know for sure is that I’m already seeing God aligning things for us and I will continue to trust Him in this process and new change.

-Mama M. 9.14.20

Career Mom to SAHM

Here I am, waking up at 6am, to start yet another day of what I would call somewhat misery. In about an hour, my son will be off to my in laws, to enjoy a fun day of whatever activities they have planned for him. But I sit here at my desk feeling miserable, because all I can think about it is being with my son. “Mom Guilt” starts to set in. 

My whole adult life I have worked hard to build my career. I’ve accomplished goals that have allowed me to have a beautiful home and to have nice things for my family and me, but here I am, feeling unhappy. I start to think. Are all those hours I work and time I miss with my son worth it? 

Through this current pandemic though, I’ve been able to work from home, and for the first two months my son stayed home with me. Every day it was hard juggling a 7 month old baby and being pulled into my demanding work life. It took patience and A LOT of coffee. But then after two months, he started going back to my in laws. I thought wow this is great. I’ll have quiet time and get some work done, but ever since that day I’ve regretted being a career woman. I realized how much I longed to be with my son. We had built this bond during those two months. A bond I don’t think we would’ve had if I continued to work in the office like normal. 

But I was always that girl who said, “I could never be a Stay-At-Home Mom, because I would go stir crazy.” Now that I am a mother, I never thought I would have this amazing connection with my son and it’s bigger than the thought of me going stir crazy as a SAHM. 

So here I am now pregnant again. The conversations with my husband have happened a lot about me being a stay at home mom. He’s supportive of it. So I’m like, “this is GREAT!”, but now there’s still that small part of me that has this guilt for myself. I’m giving up what I’ve worked for. I’m going to be vulnerable to a man and his earnings. No more independent me. This is a hard pill for me to swallow. Every day I think, “Am I making the right choice?” “Am I making a mistake?” 

This is a huge leap. A life changing one! I’m only 28, but I’m starting to realize that this is life and this is what being a Mom is. Making sacrifices for the well being of your family. I’ve never had to make a decision like this, but I know I’ll be okay in the end. I have supportive family and friends. I love them all. I also have faith that God has a plan for my family and I know it will work out the way He sees fit. 

So as I’m writing this today, I’m going to have faith and trust the process. As a working soon to be stay at home mom, this is all I can do. The guilt will come and go, but my life will still have a purpose to what God sees fit. If you are reading this today, I hope you are able to find comfort and courage in my words. If you’re struggling with the decision of Career Mom VS SAHM, know that you are strong and can get through it. Just have faith to trust the process.

-Mama G. 9.07.20

My PPD started shortly after I found out I was pregnant with my second. The feelings that fluttered through of how lonely I felt during and after my first pregnancy. Truthfully, It didn’t make me feel completely happy. See, I am married to a very hardworking and self-driven entrepreneur and if you are like me, you understand the time and dedication that title requires. So, a lot of the time when I need Hubby the most he can’t always be there. After a while, you start to feel like you’re not important enough, because in MY head work is his number one.

It’s frustrating. The amount of time his work takes from his family. Yet, despite how that makes me feel. I remain appreciative and supportive, because I know he is doing what he needs to do to provide for his family. It just really comes down to finding balance and prioritizing time, which is still a work in progress.

ANYWAYS.

Back to the loneliness. That will get you A LOT in so many different ways throughout Motherhood. And as a stay at home Mom, like myself it consumed my mind and entire being. I felt point blank lonely. Even though I had my daughter and we would always spend time together venturing out to places. I was lacking that experiential and emotional intimacy from my Husband. So when I found out I was pregnant with my second, I was honestly torn. Happy that my daughter would have a life-long playmate, but almost angry, because here we go, single Mama of two.
Not literally, but you get it. That’s when my PPD began. A few months in when I started showing it was like bam! Yep I’m pregnant. Yep this is real. Not much has changed. Yep yada yada. You know how women get when they’re upset. Bullet points for days!

Fast forward to one month postpartum. Lord, My Mommyhood was tested big time! I met my match…COLIC. The endless months of trying to figure out this unknown territory of Babyhood. It completely broke me. I can’t count how many times I failed as a Mom. I truly felt like I didn’t know what in the world I was doing. Like I really didn’t. My first was so easy you guys. Like amazingly easy. I feel like God said “…you need to be challenged”, because that was exactly that! Into war with no direction, to be drowned alive in baby tears.

In those moments though of trying to figure it all out, catering continuously and tirelessly. Being so emotionally, physically, and mentally driven, to taking care of not one, but two little beings who need you, yet feeling so helpless at the same time. To then have questioning thoughts of “Am I really cut out for this?” “Am I even a good Mom?” Yea. That right there. That hits hard. Especially for me.

My childhood with my Mom wasn’t the greatest. When I was around 11, she became very abusive with me. Sadly, a lot of that stemmed from the toxic relationship my parents had, so I basically became my mother’s punching bag. At 14, my Mom would abandoned me and my two younger siblings quite often. Once divorced, her then boyfriend became more important and constantly put first before her kids. By the time I was 16, my Mom was pretty much non-existent. A lot more to that story, but bottom line I told myself, “I would never be like her when I become a mom.”

So having gone into that mindset of questioning my Motherhood. That became a constant battle of “No I am not my Mother!” “No I will not be like her!” “I could never leave my girls!” “I could never hurt them!” The list could go on! It resulted in me just feeling so angry and frustrated. Over a year and a half and still battling all of this. Feeling SO alone and overwhelmed. To then have someone, a mother herself, try and attack my motherhood. You guys, this is just how the devil works. Pure disgust!

The emotions that ate me alive. The feeling of despair. The loneliness. When I felt like I couldn’t do it. Like the entire world was on my shoulders. The complete numbness. As much as I absolutely love being a mom and the love I have for those two beautiful girls is endless. I had truly lost Krystle. I lost the positive, outgoing, and smiley person I was. I had lost all motivation of who I am. It was like I died inside. I can’t tell you how many ugly tears I have cried. The scary thoughts that consumed me, but all I know is that I survived. I’m still here and I am reclaiming my mind!

So let me tell you. If you are battling postpartum depression. Understand that you are NOT alone. Whatever YOUR triggers to PPD may be. Know that your feelings and the daily emotions you go through are VALID. Whatever negative thoughts you may feel. Remember that you absolutely got this and you ARE amazing no matter what!

I love you all so much! Mom or not, if you read this today thank you from the bottom of my heart. You’re amazing! Abrazos y Besos ♡

A lot of people perceive that being a Stay-at-Home Mom is easy. That what we do isn’t “real” work, so when we complain that we had a rough day; we’re looked at kinda crazy and not taken seriously. Truth is though, life as a stay at home mom is one heck of a roller coaster and quite challenging. Many people, including our significant other at times don’t realize the many hats we have to put on and how selfless you need to be to do what we do on a daily basis. So let’s cut right to the chase.

 As a SAHM, we are NOT the moms people envision that just sit around all day sipping wine and watching soap operas. We are a round the clock Housemaid. We are ALWAYS CLEANING! It never ends! Trying to keep up with cleaning a messy home is a constant battle for me and it honestly becomes quite overwhelming. Between the dishes, the toys, the laundry, the messy bedrooms, the sweeping and mopping. It’s a struggle. There is so much to be done, but only so much one person can do. We are entertainers. Let me tell you, it is not always easy keeping a three and one year old entertained. Their attention span is so short! And God forbid if they do become entertained with something and I “try” to slip away…Oh the waterworks! Because let’s be realistic, having mommy sing-along and dance to baby shark is more important than anything else mom has to do, but anything to keep smiles on their faces!  We are chefs, but not the Gordon Ramsey type. We’re the kind of chefs that make sure our little ones are well fed even if it’s making a peanut butter sandwich with goldfish for dinner, because it’s just been one of ‘those’ days.

We have other important hats, like being a teacher. We’re the person our little ones come to, to learn all things new. Since day one from teaching our baby how to roll over, crawl, walk, and talk to potty training and learning their ABC’S. There is also teaching mannerisms: how to listen, behave, be kind, the ‘dos’ and the ‘don’ts’. As nurturers we try our best to instill qualities of trust, patience, responsibility, and self-sufficiency. We’re a nurse. Mommy to the rescue when the ‘boo-boos’ happen! MAN, the list can go on and the patience required for all we do can only come from the Man Upstairs Himself. It’s a big responsibility we take on to become whole heartedly mentally, emotionally, and physically invested into our Child(ren) and our Home’s needs, because let’s be realistic. We DON’T get breaks. Maybe when the kids are napping (if you’re lucky enough to get them down for one), but even then you use that time to get things done. Sometimes you might even gate them in their playroom or living room with their toys and a movie just so you can sit in the kitchen or your bedroom for a quick break, but even then you feel guilty for doing such a thing as they cry to get out, because they just want Mommy.

I became a SAHM when Zoe was five months old. Which if I’m being honest. A stay at home mom of one was definitely a lot easier, but now as a mom of two and despite all that comes with being at home. I’d have to say I still do love it. Yes, it can become VERY overwhelming and you wish you could just clone yourself in three. That way one of you can give the kids the 100% undivided attention they need, the other can go wash and fold the twenty loads of laundry waiting to be done, and the third can just sleep. And trust me, I know, being a SAHM isn’t every Mom’s cup of tea and THAT IS OKAY! I’m sure 2020 has revealed that card a lot for some, but I truly am grateful to have the opportunity to be at home. 

Being at home with my girls gave me the opportunity to watch them grow, soak in every milestone, understand and learn their love languages, their way of thinking and figuring out the most complex things. It’s been beautiful. And if you have read my Postpartum story, you could understand just how important it is for me to connect with my girls and build a memorable mommy-daughter relationship. Not ever having that with my own mom and being gifted with two beautiful girls. I knew God had given me a second chance of allowing me to know what a mother-daughter relationship is like.

But being a stay at home mom can also get very lonely. As much as I love spending time with my girls and trying to figure out their baby babbles. You long for that adult interaction and conversation to be able to talk about life and fun gossip. Instead of listening to Little Baby Bum or Cocomelon on repeat, you long to sit in the car with your favorite person and just jam out to your favorite songs. Or instead of watching Trolls World Tour a bazillion times back to back, you long to have a girls movie night and watch your favorite chick flicks. So yes loneliness definitely comes with the SAHM territory, but in a way you just get used to it. 

Just like you get used to cleaning the house 100x times a day from all the food messes the kids make, all the abandoned toys that they play with for like 2 seconds, and the pile of clothes from the multiple wardrobe changes my three year old makes. You get used to the cries and tantrums behind the word ‘no’ when they don’t get their way. You get used to your hair looking all sorts of crazy and living in your sweats and jammies. You get used to forgetting to eat, not being able to shower, and basically putting everyone else’s needs first. You just get used to being this overworked exhausted Mom whose number one priority is to keep these little nuggets alive. 

So yes, being a SAHM is a lot of work. It truly takes a lot of mental strength, patience, resilience, and a whole lot of coffee! There are good days and bad days. There are days where tears are shed and where ‘mom guilt’ sets in, because we feel like we’ve failed our little ones. There are days where we sit back and go, “Idk how I did it, but I did it!” as we’re finally getting a chance to breathe. And yes with all that we do it’s so easy to lose ourselves in the daily consuming mom life. Which is why I say You Are Mom And So Much More, because with all the hats that Mom life brings. It is so important to also wear the hat of Self-Care, which three years later as a Mom, a Wife, and being the glue that holds my family sanely together. I am relearning that myself. So a reminder to all my beautiful Mamas, remember that you got this. Even on those days where you feel like you don’t or feel like you’ve failed as a mom, remember that you are amazing, you are worthy, and in the eyes of your little ones, you are their perfect everything. So keep pressing through! ♡