Mom Anonymous

Mother’s You Matter.

A mother’s love is so selfless. Naturally, you want nothing more than to give your babies your all. Sometimes though, you give so much that there’s little left for yourself. The moment I became a mother, I knew I would bend and move any mountain. I would block any ounce of pain I possibly could for my children, but with everything I gave, I found myself not having anything left for me. I’ve always been the type to do for others and put myself last. You’ve heard it before, “The kind of love a mother has for their child is something many cannot explain.” What you don’t hear much about, is that we must give love to ourselves too.

Once I became a mom, I stopped looking at myself, taking care of myself, and being myself. Why? Because it was engraved in my head that I was no longer important. I had responsibilities. I had others to dedicate my life to and although these things aren’t bad, they shouldn’t be the end to your womanhood/motherhood. There’s MORE. Just as much as we want for our children, we must want for ourselves. We want them to be healthy, well dang it, we must be healthy too. We want them to achieve goals, well we must have goals to achieve too. We want them to be mentally, spiritually, physically and emotionally strong, then guess what? Mamas, we need that too.

I sometimes look at every Instagram mom and their perfect photos and family and I can only wonder how draining it is to keep up that facade. My house is a mess, the kids get dirty, sometimes chicken nuggets and french fries are on the menu and many times tantrums ruin our plans. I’m starting to accept that is okay though, because the more I accept that everything I do is for the best of my children. The more I feel happy that no one can do better for my children than me. Self-acceptance, but ultimately learning to love myself through motherhood is what I’m striving for this new year. So be gentle with yourself, and find out what loving yourself means to you, because remember you matter too.

-Mama V. 12.07.20

Army Mom Reunited.

My husband and I are a duel Military couple, him stationed in North Carolina and myself in Italy. While pregnant though I came to the states to have my son in November, 2019. When my maternity leave was over in January, I had to return to work in Italy immediately. My son stayed behind in the states for many personal and military reasons, but I was scheduled to leave Italy and return home to be stationed with my husband and son by April, 2020. In my mind I thought…“I can handle 2-3 months right? That can’t be too bad.” UNTIL the unwelcoming of Covid happened and impacted our work and personal life. The Army was not allowing any type of travel in or out of Italy during this time, therefore, I was obligated to stay longer than planned.

Fast forward 8 months later, I was finally able to hug and kiss my 10 month old baby. It was a mix of emotions for me. From a 3 month old baby who slept mostly all day to now working with a soon to be toddler. The battle of changing his diaper, crawling all over the place, eating actual baby food, and so many more different things he didn’t do before. It felt warming to be home with the excitement to finally be a mom again, but it also hurt to realize what a huge gap I missed on his life that I won’t be able to take back. It was challenging to accept the changes, his growth, and not being able to have grown with him.

From the first 3 months we had together. I knew everything about him. His schedule, his likes and dislikes, I knew how long his naps were. I knew his ways and I tended to them in my own mommy way. I had to show and teach my In-laws all those things before I left. Coming back, it was challenging, because now I had to learn their ways. How they did things and knew him inside and out better than me. It hurt to see that. I felt as if I didn’t even know my own son. I had to put my pride aside and ask questions that I felt I shouldn’t of had to ask. Things I felt I should’ve known already.

I know I’m not the only one going through this. I’m not the first and won’t be the last. It’s just tough when you’re there in the moment, frozen in time, and feel so isolated in that mental battle. There’s nothing I can do though, but move forward, accept things for what they are, and adapt to the changes of life. So I end with; cherish each moment and never take life with your kids for granted.

-Army Mom P. 11.02.20

Mom and Deployed

I’ve been in the military now for 10 years. During my first deployment in 2013, I did a tour in Afghanistan. It was an experience I’d never forget and I can admit it was the happiest and freest I’ve ever felt. Fast forward to 2019 where I find out I’m deploying again. My heart dropped. It hits differently this time, because now I’m a Mom. I instantly felt like someone was ripping me away from my baby. 

I’ve already been a single mom the majority of my daughter’s life. So knowing I had to leave and for a year at that. I was worried she would feel abandoned or less important. I am all she knows. Its now been 154 days without her and I have the fear of her getting so used to me being gone, that she actually prefers her new life without me. I have the fear of being replaced or forgotten or something big will happen and I won’t be there to give her my unconditional love & support and she’ll hate me for it. I fear she’ll question her self-worth, because her momma left her. I have tears in my eyes just thinking about her even feeling that way.

Trying to also explain to a 3 yr old (at the time) that I’m leaving was a challenge. I explained it as “I made this commitment; therefore I have to keep my word.” Hoping that this life experience will teach her how important loyalty/duty can be. For the most part I think she understands. That mom is away because I have to and not because I want to. But there are days where my emotions take over and I get the constant fear that I made the wrong decision. That I’m a bad mom and that my child will grow up and resent me, because I left her. Those days are more often than not. 

But then there are the days where I’ll FaceTime and she will take the iPad to the people around her and with pride she tells them, “I’m her mom & I’m in the Army.” Those are the days I try to hold on to, because I don’t regret my choice of being in the military. It has molded me into the person I am today. The Army has given me opportunities I did not think were ever possible for me and has given me a better life for my child. It’s a decision I made solely on my own. A service that is so much bigger than me and I’m proud to serve. I just really hope that in the end, I made the right decision.

-Army Mom F. 10.12.20

Career Mom to SAHM Pt. 2

Here I am, finally sitting on my bed able to take a deep breath in and out. Today was a good day, but as the evening hit I felt exhaustion start to kick in. Hubby takes our son to bed and I’m able to take a warm shower and pray. I’m able to let it out with God and He helps me to understand this second time around is different. I’m not only holding a growing baby inside me, but I am also taking care of an energetic preschooler.  The thoughts then begin to race through my mind again, “I’m having a second child and things are already changing before she is here!” 

I have worked since I was 15 years old and never thought being a SAHM was an option, but three months ago when I found out I’m expecting a second child, reality set in. I’ve been blessed to work from home for the past 5 years or so, but experiencing both working from home while also being a mom full time, THAT changed my perspective. The days where work has been so busy and I cannot pay my son the attention he wants, it leaves him no choice but to learn to be independent. The days where he wanted special attention and cried to be on top of me while I worked, the many times I had to go into the bathroom or my closet to cry it out, because of how overwhelmed I was. There were many moments where I didn’t think I would be able to make it through the day. ‘Mom Guilt’ started to set in many times even as I sit here and rethink those moments. So then the idea of becoming a Stay at Home Mom sets in my mind.

My husband and I have had more discussions than ever about the possibility of becoming one.  I’ve always said my children and family will ALWAYS be my priority above all, because this is the greatest blessing God has given me. And the fact that I have not only my son, but now a new little human now depending on me, it changes my priorities and once again gives me a new clarity on what I truly want.  I am seeing how God has given me a piece of my desire and want in life with my son and new child to be. So I no longer fear actually wanting to become a SAHM.  And as I plan for the future, I make sure to seek guidance from God and always talk it through with my husband. One thing I know for sure is that I’m already seeing God aligning things for us and I will continue to trust Him in this process and new change.

-Mama M. 9.14.20

Career Mom to SAHM

Here I am, waking up at 6am, to start yet another day of what I would call somewhat misery. In about an hour, my son will be off to my in laws, to enjoy a fun day of whatever activities they have planned for him. But I sit here at my desk feeling miserable, because all I can think about it is being with my son. “Mom Guilt” starts to set in. 

My whole adult life I have worked hard to build my career. I’ve accomplished goals that have allowed me to have a beautiful home and to have nice things for my family and me, but here I am, feeling unhappy. I start to think. Are all those hours I work and time I miss with my son worth it? 

Through this current pandemic though, I’ve been able to work from home, and for the first two months my son stayed home with me. Every day it was hard juggling a 7 month old baby and being pulled into my demanding work life. It took patience and A LOT of coffee. But then after two months, he started going back to my in laws. I thought wow this is great. I’ll have quiet time and get some work done, but ever since that day I’ve regretted being a career woman. I realized how much I longed to be with my son. We had built this bond during those two months. A bond I don’t think we would’ve had if I continued to work in the office like normal. 

But I was always that girl who said, “I could never be a Stay-At-Home Mom, because I would go stir crazy.” Now that I am a mother, I never thought I would have this amazing connection with my son and it’s bigger than the thought of me going stir crazy as a SAHM. 

So here I am now pregnant again. The conversations with my husband have happened a lot about me being a stay at home mom. He’s supportive of it. So I’m like, “this is GREAT!”, but now there’s still that small part of me that has this guilt for myself. I’m giving up what I’ve worked for. I’m going to be vulnerable to a man and his earnings. No more independent me. This is a hard pill for me to swallow. Every day I think, “Am I making the right choice?” “Am I making a mistake?” 

This is a huge leap. A life changing one! I’m only 28, but I’m starting to realize that this is life and this is what being a Mom is. Making sacrifices for the well being of your family. I’ve never had to make a decision like this, but I know I’ll be okay in the end. I have supportive family and friends. I love them all. I also have faith that God has a plan for my family and I know it will work out the way He sees fit. 

So as I’m writing this today, I’m going to have faith and trust the process. As a working soon to be stay at home mom, this is all I can do. The guilt will come and go, but my life will still have a purpose to what God sees fit. If you are reading this today, I hope you are able to find comfort and courage in my words. If you’re struggling with the decision of Career Mom VS SAHM, know that you are strong and can get through it. Just have faith to trust the process.

-Mama G. 9.07.20